We were talking about blended families today and I ended up getting up and drawing it on the board. It made me think of what I include as family.

First I have myself

I just got Married in November so I have started my own family 

I have my Dad and Ralyn as well as Cindy and David as my in-laws

Originally my family was just us four 

We've grown a bit. So for those who are keeping count 4 sister in-laws (three my husbands sisters which is all of his family besides parents), 2 brother in-laws, 1 best friend, 3 biological siblings, 3 adopted siblings, 3 step siblings in the picture and 3 step siblings out of the picture, 1 sister in-law and 5 (1 in heaven) parents not in this picture .  Grand total of  25 in my family, 14 in my immediate family with out marriages, 10 more added on because of marriages and 1in heaven.




Yes, it is complicated to answer questions about my family. 

One of the hard things is not understanding where you place is. It is easy to get lost in such a big family, especially when we all have so much baggage to go with it. I really worry about my family. I worry it wont work when I despicably want it to. We talk of the statistics of a blended family and that half the time they don't make it. It been 2 years since they got married and things have been crazy. It felt good to hear in class that  blended families should 1. wait at least 2 years for normalcy (mine might need a bit longer) 2. have bio parents do the heavy parenting (which is done) 3. make step parents more like a good uncle or aunt (getting closer on that) and 4. conferencing together (  think this is getting better but really I don't know because I am not part of that. Which is how it should be). Really we are on the right track our track just happens to be more like a hot wheels race track than a train track. But that is okay, it doesn't mean we can't be a family or that we won't make it. It just means more work. 

VS

Parents have ears too

                                        
There is something to be said of a good listener no matter what your age and who you are. When you are with someone who listens well you feel validated and appricated and what to be closer to them. It is a good thing we have ears. Doctor Popkins points out the errors that some parents make by being passive listeners and instead of addressing the needs of their teenager they

1. Be a know-it-all/lecturing ( here's what you don't know)
2.interrogate (why did you do that? when? where? how?)
3. command ( you will do this)
4. use sarasm (yeah....that'll work *not*)
5. give advice ( advice is good as long as it isn't something you are just saying to say like if you teen comes in and says I am tired you don't just say " well them you should get to bed earlier to keep your body healthy and strong")
6. have negative expectations ( don't worry you wont make it anyway)
7. psychologize them ( how does that make you feel?)
8. focusing on mistakes ( its just like this time that you didn't do what you  were supposed to)
9. moralizing (when I was a kid we had better morals than you do now)

Really listen to what the person is saying, listen to their tone and body language. When you ask "how are you doing?" and someone says "fine" that doesn't mean that it is fine unless their tone and body language said so as well. I know that I have used these before on people I am talking to and I am not even a parent yet. I fall under 1,5 and 7 most of the time, but when we recognize that these are weaknesses we have we can better prepare to listen to our kids (or friends or co-workers or whoever) and instead of being great responders.

Fatherhood

These are the fathers in my life right now. To the left is my father, to the right is my father-in-law. Some people wonder if fathers are necessarily or if mothers are enough or if parents are needed at all. I would say YES! We need our Dads. Fathers help us to Build confidences by giving us a chance to fail in a safe environment, Communicate in that they help children expand linguistically, Disciple is focused on following rules and fairness, they prepare children for the real world in that they focus on the consequences of actions in future life. Give a look into the world of men in showing both boys and girls how men should act and treat women. 

I remember being terrified of driving outside of the lines. I would stare at the road just three feet in front of my bumper and wobble the car back and forth trying to keep in perfectly safe and I usually hugged the white line because I was scared of oncoming traffic. On one of these drive to a work site the road was very narrow curvy and downhill dissent with a sheer drop on the right side of the car. Dad was having me drive and I was freaking out about it. Finally at a straight part of the road he told me to cross over the middle yellow line, when I thought I was their he told me I wasn’t even close. He then had me drive into the other lane and back again. He had me do this until I could touch both lines on either side of the road comfortable and understood where the car was actually at. He told me to look into the distances and not so immediately and that I would automatically keep the car where it should be if I were looking in the right place.

I don't know who my husband would be if he didn't have his father. Both of these men aren't talkers, but they are so good at serving one another. At times through out my marriage my husband has taken the insensitive about cleaning the house when I have been stressed and he knew that I couldn't handle it. I can see where he got that from his dad. We got a free Geo for our wedding so we got temporary licences, but hadn't taken off the plates. While we were driving we got pulled over and told we needed to take off the license plates. Chris was frustrated at the police officer and a little embarassed. We told the story to everyone just to break up the mood. In the morning however when we got up we saw that the license plates had been taken off. My father-in-law goes to work at 5 in the morning so he must have gotten up early so he could do that. He knew that my husband was feeling up set so he just did a little thing to help out. I see the same thing in my husband because of it. 

Reference:

Stanton, Glenn. "The Involved Father - Focus on the Family." Focus on the Family: Helping Families Thrive. N.p., n.d. Web. 29 June 2012. <http://www.focusonthefamily.com/parenting/parenting_roles/the_involved_father.aspx>.